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[door opening]
[awkward] Hey.
[insecure] Thanks for coming. I really appreciate it.
Um . . . come on in.
We can . . . sit over here . . . if that’s okay.
Oh, crap! I’m sorry! Here, let me get that out of the way.
[brief sound of clutter being moved]
Sorry. Work has been a nightmare this week.
The High Chamber has been all over our backs about the deadlines for the new strength gauntlets and healing potions . . . and the reality distortion wave generator chose this moment to drop into a hyperphase state.
While we were using it.
So . . . housekeeping has not been a priority.
[flustered] And I’m so nervous about seeing you again, in my mind I’ve been going over everything I want to say, over and over, and I got so deep in my own head I forgot to move my stupid junk off the couch so we could actually sit and talk.
[pause]
[sheepish] Well . . . you know me.
[affectionate] I mean, you really do.
I think nobody else ever has.
[awkward again] Um, so, thank you for coming.
I’m sure you have . . . mixed feelings about seeing me again.
Like I said on the phone . . . I’m sorry for what I said last time.
That was such a terrible afternoon. It got so out of control.
Anyway, I was out of line, and I’m sorry.
At the same time . . . you did hurt me, too.
When you . . . asked me to give you . . . “space.”
We both know what that means.
And more than that! It was the way you said it.
[pause]
I know, I know. We don’t need to get into it again.
You have a right to your opinion . . . and to your feelings.
I swear, I didn’t ask you over here to have that fight again!
[tender] I mean that.
In fact . . . what I want to talk about . . . is how we can hopefully stop fighting.
For good.
I want – just hear me out on this, okay?
I want to try again . . . but in a different way.
[pause]
[hesitantly lighthearted] Yes, try again . . . again.
Or more like . . . try again, again . . . again.
[nervous] I get the sense that we both feel the same way . . . about this.
This endless cycle of angry meltdowns and toxic breakups that you and I have been going around and around with.
It’s too much.
We can’t keep doing it.
We’ve both been to blame . . . I think you would agree.
[unsure] I mean . . . I hope you agree?
[pause]
[relieved] Right. Yes.
But every time we try again . . . we just end up . . . blowing up again.
And it hurts too much.
[tender, vulnerable] Because I love you so, so much.
You really are the only person who has ever even known who I am.
Who I really am.
I’m very good at my job, running the High Chamber’s secret laboratories . . . and the reason is because I’m so good at hiding who I really am.
I’ve spent my whole life doing it.
[quietly] As you know.
I didn’t learn to hide myself because I got a job that requires secrecy.
I got that job because I’ve never done anything but hide.
Since before I could walk, I’ve been trained to hide myself.
Mercilessly trained.
And then you came into my life . . . and you just . . . you just see right through everything.
I’ve never been able to hide anything from you.
Not for a second.
I don’t know how you do it.
It’s like . . . magic.
And I feel like I don’t even need to hide from you.
I wouldn’t want to . . . even if I could.
Somehow . . . I just feel safe with you.
I’ve never felt that way with anyone.
It’s only you.
It’s only ever been you.
And I love you so much that it hurts.
When things are good between us, I love you so much I could cry.
But then we fight.
And I just . . . can’t take it.
Because you’re the only person in the world I feel safe with.
So, when you do hurt me . . . and I’m sorry, honey, but sometimes you do hurt me . . .
It just hurts so much.
It’s agony.
But then, it hurts me just as much to be apart from you.
Lying in bed every night . . . wondering whether today was the day you moved on.
Whether today was the day you met someone else.
Someone you can be with . . . and not have everything constantly blow up on you.
On us.
It hurts.
Not, like, “I long for you, my darling,” it hurts.
Like, “someone slashed my throat open with a butcher knife and I’m laying here bleeding to death,” it hurts.
When I think about being with you again, I’m terrified.
But when I think about never being with you again, I’m even more terrified.
[hesitant] So . . . I have an idea.
But it’s . . . radical.
I think I know how we can stop fighting . . . and be together.
For good.
But to do this . . . we have to do something drastic.
Something seriously risky.
[deep breath as she calms herself and controls her anxiety]
[calm, ultra-controlled] So . . . I need to know . . . would you be up for that?
[pause]
Well, before I tell you what it is, I need you to look me in the eye . . . and tell me you’d be willing to do something drastic.
To save us.
To be with me forever . . . and make it work.
Are you in?
[pause]
[relieved] Okay. Good.
[nervous] Okay, okay.
[freaking out] Don’t freak out.
I . . . I . . .
I stole a love potion.
From the lab.
Yes, a love potion.
Two doses.
Here they are.
[pause]
It’s exactly what the name says. A love potion.
[pause]
Oh, no, it’s totally real.
It’s not even experimental.
We’ve actually been making these for centuries.
The process is . . . well, it’s pretty much down to a science at this point.
[mildly amused] So to speak.
They don’t use them very often.
Because they’re so powerful.
And the effects are . . . unpredictable.
It can change your personality . . . in drastic ways.
Even members of the High Chamber need special approval to use one of these.
But there’s no question about it.
It’s a love potion.
And it works.
The two doses are linked to each other. We brew them in special batches.
You drink one . . . and I drink the other.
[tender, vulnerable] And we . . . fall in love.
Permanently.
We stay in love.
Even when we’re angry, we’ll remember that we love each other.
No matter how bad it gets.
Now, like I said . . . this is drastic.
If we’re going to love each other completely . . . we can’t hold anything back.
We can’t hold any part of ourselves back.
We’re putting everything we are on the line here.
Our minds . . . our hearts . . . our personalities.
We may become . . . different people . . . from who we are now.
So . . . if you don’t want to do this . . .
[surprised] Oh!
[flustered] Oh, um, okay then!
[concerned] You’re sure?
I don’t want to push you into this, I really don’t.
[nervous] I can definitely just . . . sneak these back into the lab tomorrow.
[more nervous] In fact, maybe . . .
[pause]
[touched] Really?
[deeply moved] You’re that sure?
[romantic] Oh, honey, I . . .
[kissing, with “mmmf” sounds]
[rapidly, between kisses] Thank you! [kiss] Thank you for doing this! [kiss]
Thank you.
[suddenly shy] Honey? Will you . . . will you hold my hand?
I thought stealing these from the lab would be the hard part.
And I was pretty scared when I did it.
But I’m downright terrified now that it comes to actually drinking it!
[deep breath in and out to calm herself]
[calm] Okay.
Okay.
And . . . here we go.
One . . . two . . . three.
[swallow, then long breath out]
[pause]
Do you feel anything?
[pause]
Me either.
[pause]
It should kick in soon.
Just hold my hand, okay?
[pause]
No, still nothing.
[pause]
It’s supposed to work quickly.
We should be feeling it by now.
[pause]
I mean . . . I’m only just thinking of this, but . . .
[bashful] I already did love you.
And you already loved me.
[amused] Maybe we just needed to realize how much we loved each other.
How willing we both were . . . to take a big leap . . . for our love.
Maybe the real love potion is the – oh!
[shocked, overwhelmed] Ooooooooooooooooooh!
[scared] Honey? Honey, are you feeling this?
Hold me!
Tighter! Hold me tighter!
[terrified] What did we do?
I’m . . . it feels like . . . it feels like . . .
[pause]
[horrified] Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
[urgent, intense] Honey, I was so awful to you!
I was totally wrong! About everything!
Yes, I was!
[pause]
[gentle but firm] Stop. Just stop. No. Stop.
I have to say this. You have to let me say it.
[sad] Since the day I met you, I have done nothing but take advantage of you.
I only thought about myself.
I was so needy!
I was just need, need, need, need!
I was just this big, emotional black hole that constantly sucked everything in!
And I never even thought about giving anything back!
I only thought about my own needs!
[upset] I treated you . . . I’m so, so ashamed of how I treated you!
Hush!
I was awful to you! Awful!
Yes, I was!
You had every right to ask me to give you more space!
Of course you needed space!
I was suffocating you!
I was demanding all your attention!
I was practically trying to control your every move!
[tears welling up] I was so needy and selfish and controlling and manipulative and . . .
[holding back tears] And . . . and . . .
[not successful at holding back tears] And I’m sorry!
[openly crying] I’m so, so sorry! Forgive me!
[blubbering between tears] My darling! My darling, forgive me!
[still crying] I’ll make it up to you! I swear!
I swear I’ll make it up to you!
[getting control of the tears, but still very intense] I’ll be so, so good to you!
From now on!
From now until forever!
You’ll be the most pampered and spoiled boyfriend in history!
I swear it!
[new tears starting up] I kept telling you I loved you!
Telling myself that I loved you!
[holding back tears again] I never even knew what loving someone meant!
[loud sniffle]
[suddenly forcing the tears down, intense control] I never loved anyone.
I never loved anyone at all . . . but myself.
I loved me.
And no one else.
My whole life.
[tears coming again] I just wanted . . . I just wanted . . .
[suddenly laughing at herself through the tears] Ha! I don’t even know what I wanted!
[pause, sniffling]
[tender] But oh, honey, I know what I want now.
I’ve never been more sure about anything.
Now . . . I only want to do right by you.
I just want to be with you, and treat you right.
I want to put your needs first.
And that’s it.
I don’t need anything else.
I don’t want anything else.
I just want to be with you, and put your needs ahead of mine.
[loud sniffle, then a pause]
[happy] Uh-huh. That’s right.
[pause]
[confused] What?
[pause]
[softly, tenderly] Oh, no, no no!
Honey, no! You were never bad to me! Never!
You were always so good to me! I was the one –
[pause]
I know what I said!
It wasn’t true.
I knew in my heart all along that it wasn’t true.
[pause]
[tenderly] Hush! Don’t say such things!
It was me, not you! You were never –
[pause]
That? No!
That was nothing!
That was no big deal!
Yes, I know I made a big deal of it at the time, but –
[pause]
Oh, don’t bring that up.
I had forgotten all about that.
No, really! I had!
It was only –
[pause]
[upset] Stop! Stop!
[loud sniffle, then a deep breath to calm down]
Okay, maybe you did things wrong, too.
But it’s not the same.
You didn’t mean –
[pause]
Well . . . okay.
[pause]
[gently, reluctantly] Okay, I admit . . . that was bad.
But darling, don’t be so hard on yourself!
You were nowhere near as bad to me as I was to you.
[pause]
[suddenly amused] Will you look at us?
[giggle followed by sniffle]
[happy, playfully ironic] We’re still fighting!
[big, joyous laugh]
[affectionate] I guess it’s just our destiny . . . to argue with each other forever.
[small, happy laugh]
[gently] Look, I’ll make you a deal.
I’ll forgive you . . . if you forgive me.
I’ll let you put my needs first . . . if you let me put your needs first.
[pause]
Right.
[playful] And I won’t even point out . . . that you’re forgiving me much more than I’m forgiving you.
[even more playful] Hush, now! No more arguing!
Let’s put this argument to an end . . . forever.
[one pure, simple kiss]
[satisfied] There.
[pause]
[suddenly serious] But . . . darling . . . joking aside . . . I need to know . . .
[vulnerable] Can you really forgive so much?
[afraid] How can you possibly forgive so much?
How could someone forgive so much?
Even someone as pure-hearted as you?
How can I ever believe that you would?
How can my heart ever –
[pause]
[he is getting down on one knee, for a second she’s confused] Wait, honey, what are you –
[gasp of shock]
[pause]
[stunned, intense whisper] Are you . . . are you . . .
[pause]
[quiet whisper] Oh, honey. Oh, my darling.
[pause]
[quiet whisper] Oh, my love. My only love. My only love.
[pause]
[calm, firm, emotionless, completely resolute and without pause] Absolutely, with all my heart and with everything I am . . . yes.
[intense] Yes. Yes.
[growing joy] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!
[intense kissing]
[frantically, between kisses] Yes! [kiss] Of course! [kiss] Of course I will! [kiss] Yes! [kiss]
[loud, with all the joy] I will marry you, you beautiful, beautiful man!
[kiss]
And I will put your needs first . . . every day . . . for the rest of my life.
[pause]
[intense, happy] I don’t care. I don’t care.
[pause]
I don’t care about that, either.
[pause]
Oh, you silly man!
I don’t need any of that stuff.
I don’t need a ring.
I don’t need . . . I don’t need anything but to be with you.
So I can put you first.
[kiss]
My only, only, only love.
[kiss]
In fact, let’s . . . [suddenly shy] let’s get married . . . today.
[joy] We’ve got time!
[overwhelmed] Take me to Vegas and marry me tonight!
[kiss]
I am never going to sleep again . . . as anything . . . but your forever wife.