This is Part Two of the You Were So Brave to Tell Me series.
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Okay, we’re here. You can open your eyes.
Ta-da! Remember this park?
[giggling] Yeah, I’ll bet you do. We had a pretty . . . um . . . memorable experience that time you took me for a long walk up the nature trail.
Yeah . . . [wistful] our first kiss.
And our second. And our third. And probably another hundred or so . . . I lost count! [giggle]
You’re safe with me, sweetheart, so . . . [playfully] why don’t we go for another long walk alone in the woods, and see what happens?
[sound of two car doors opening and closing]
Seriously, though, thanks for clearing the day to be with me. I know I’ve been pretty buried in work for a while. Now that things are sane again, I want to take time to be together.
In fact . . . you might not know it, but today is very special day.
Yup, that’s why I asked you to hold the whole day. I’ve got it all planned out. A whole day of surprises to celebrate . . . the big occasion.
Today . . . is International Gorgeous Boyfriend Appreciation Day.
It is!
It totally is. Okay, the publicity campaign has been weak, I admit. But by next year, the greeting card companies are going to be all over it. There’ll be billboards and advertising everywhere.
[a deep, hearty, joyous laugh]
Okay, okay.
But for you and me, today is Gorgeous Boyfriend Appreciation Day.
It’s a special day when your beautiful, amazing girlfriend gets to spend the whole day pampering and adoring her gorgeous boyfriend.
[playfully] No, you don’t get to object. Objection overruled. By court order, you will be pampered and adored all day.
Besides, I have it all planned! After the park, we’re going to your favorite restaurant, and then to that movie I know you want to see.
Large popcorn. On me.
But before that, I’ve got three surprises lined up for you, just during this walk.
Well, they’re surprises, so I guess you’ll just have to walk in the woods with me and find out.
Listen, for weeks now, when was under that awful deadline, you have been supporting me. Like a champion. You gave me help when I needed it, and you gave me space when I needed it.
So now you kind of have to let me pay you back.
Not to mention, we have to celebrate the official launch of your project at the community center! I’m so proud of you, you know that.
Yup, absolutely, I’ll be there to pitch in. I’ve already signed up for my hours. But you aren’t just pitching in. You had the whole vision, and you put in the work to organize it. It literally wouldn’t be happening without you.
Just think of how people’s lives are going to be changed. Because of you.
You know, I’ve never even done this kind of thing before. Like, actually show up and volunteer at something that makes the world a better place? Actually getting involved? This is all new for me.
And I’m excited about it!
It’s the kind of thing I might never have done if I didn’t have you in my life.
No, seriously. Look, as you know, I’m wired for people. That’s what comes naturally to me. I’m very empathetic. You’re more . . . systematic. You love to think about . . . how society works, and its structures, things like that.
That’s why you could build something like this community project. I couldn’t have done it.
You’re . . . helping me see a bigger picture. And not just see it, but get involved. To be part of it.
Just like I hope I’ve helped you to grow . . . in other ways. I’ve seen how much progress you’ve been making, emotionally. Facing up to your trauma. Working through your pain, and your fears. Learning to process them in more healthy ways.
I think I’ve helped you see a bigger picture, too.
That’s my other reason for taking a special day to celebrate you. You’ve come so far since you wrote me that letter about . . . your trauma, and your struggles.
I know you still have bad days. It’s still hard.
But I need you to know that I can see how far you’ve come.
Like . . . although I still remind you that you’re always safe with me, I don’t have to do it nearly as often. You don’t need it as much.
You’re growing . . . and healing.
And you’ve told me about how it’s getting easier for you to really believe in your heart that I care about you. That you make me happy.
Sweetheart, even a whole day of pampering you isn’t nearly enough to express how much joy that brings me!
And . . . how ridiculously proud I am of you. That kind of growth doesn’t happen on its own. It takes hard work, and courage, and strength.
I’ve seen what you’ve had to go through, to grow in this way. And I’m just so proud of you. I’m over the moon.
By the way, you do realize that this emotional growth is what’s fueling you to build the community project, right? Your positive impact on the world is growing because your heart is growing. You do see that?
[soft laugh]
Well, I guess that’s what you have me for.
So . . . before you get your three surprises, we have to go over the rules for Gorgeous Boyfriend Appreciation Day.
Oh, yes, of course there are rules. They’re unbreakable rules. They’re, like, sacred rules.
Okay, the first rule is that only a truly beautiful and amazing girlfriend is allowed to pamper and adore her gorgeous boyfriend on this day.
So . . . lucky you!
Second, the gorgeous boyfriend must allow himself to be pampered, adored, and totally spoiled. No objections.
[switching to a serious tone] And finally . . . however the boyfriend feels, it’s okay. As long as he lets me adore him, he doesn’t have say anything else, or do anything else. He can just be who he really is, and feel what he really feels. Whatever that is.
Okay?
[awkward] Well, yes, just like every other day. Of course you can always be who you really are with me.
But today, like . . . especially so.
[playful again] Hey, sue me, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them!
Okay, are you ready for your first surprise?
A few days ago . . . I had my first appointment with a therapist.
[excited] Yes! I know!
I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise.
Well, I realized that you were right. That . . . being in a relationship with someone who has trauma issues . . . isn’t something I should just do on my own.
And . . . you didn’t say this to me, but I also realized that . . . it’s unfair to you to expect you to do all the work . . . educating me on these issues.
So I did my research, and I found this therapist, and I went.
And I’m so glad I did. She’s amazing.
You know how you told me about . . . how trauma changes the brain? Like, physically? Neurologically?
She’s given me a book to read about it. I’ve already got it downloaded.
I was thinking . . . maybe we could read it together? So we could talk about it?
Really? I would so love to do that.
Sweetheart, I’m sorry I didn’t understand the need for this before. I pride myself so much on my empathy, and my ability to care for people . . . and I wasn’t willing to admit my limits.
Like, for example, one thing I hadn’t realized . . . she said people with family trauma often struggle with a sense that their feelings are wrong, and need to be hidden.
Or they feel a huge fear that something terrible will happen if they say even the tiniest thing wrong.
Because those are the unwritten rules in . . . families that have trauma issues.
Yeah.
Right.
I didn’t see that either.
So I’m so glad I took this step, and I’m sorry I didn’t take it sooner.
Thanks.
[kiss]
Okay, we’re almost to the spot where you get your second surprise. Here, come with me.
Yes, off the path! It’s okay, you’re with me. You’re safe.
Sweetheart, no one’s going to arrest us, I swear.
I want you all to myself, where no one can find us.
This way. It’s not far.
Just over that ridge.
Wow, I can’t believe how gorgeous these woods are.
When you’re in them, that is! [giggle]
Okay, here we go. Sit right here.
Now give me a second to just look in those eyes.
[sigh]
How did I ever end up with you?
Okay, okay, Mr. Blush Bright Red. I’ll move on.
This surprise . . . is a secret. A secret between you and me, forever.
That’s why I brought you out here.
Now, remember the third rule today. However you feel, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything or do anything. There are no expectations and no wrong responses.
So . . . you remember when you mentioned to me your old class ring? The one you lost?
And remember how a few days later . . . I casually brought it up again . . . and innocently started asking you what it looked like?
Wellllllllllllllll . . . that was your ladyfriend being sneaky.
Here! [bright, excited] Open it!
[still excited] Yeah?
You like it?
I hope it’s at least somewhat close to the one you had before.
Really? It is?
That’s so awesome!
I guess your sneaky ladyfriend did a good job of pumping you for information.
But . . . now comes the secret part.
As far as the rest of the world will ever know . . . this is just your class ring.
And maybe you’ll tell people you lost yours, and your beautiful, amazing girlfriend gave you a new one.
But only you and I . . . and nobody else in the whole world . . . will know about . . . the inscription.
You see here, on the inside of the ring?
Over on this side, it says . . . strong . . . and brave.
Because you really are the strongest, bravest man I have ever known.
And you are that same man, every moment of every day.
Even in the bad times.
Even when you don’t feel strong or brave. You still are strong and brave.
And I always see that in you, sweetheart.
So you can wear this ring, and as far as anyone else will know, it’s just a class ring.
But when you feel weak, or not good enough . . . all you have to do is touch this ring.
You can just squeeze your fingers together and feel it. No one will ever even know that you’re doing it.
And this ring will remind you of who you really are.
Of the man that I see when I look in your eyes.
[softly, gently] Now, remember . . . no expectations.
On the other side, it says . . . safe . . . [whispering] and loved.
Whenever you feel scared, this ring will remind you that you’re safe.
And whenever you feel lonely . . . or discouraged . . . or unworthy . . . or unloved . . . this ring will remind you that you are so, so, so very loved.
[whisper] Because I love you.
I love you, and I’m giving you this ring . . . but I’m also giving you my heart.
I’m putting my love into your heart. Right here.
[kiss]
Right inside your heart.
And I’m so happy to give it.
And from now on . . . for the rest of your life, no matter what happens . . . you will always have my love with you.
In your heart.
Every moment of every day.
And this ring will remind you, whenever you need it.
Now, you don’t have to say . . .
[suddenly excited] You do?
[mounting joy] Really?
[anxious] You don’t have to say it, not at all, it’s okay, it’s . . .
[holding back tears of joy] Really?
[not successful in holding back the tears] Well, in that case . . . keeping a secret is not the only reason I brought you all the way out here!
[still semi-blubbering] Are you ready for your third surprise?
[triumphant joy] C’mere!