This is Part Three of the You Were So Brave to Tell Me series.
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Heyyyyy, gorgeous!
It’s me!
[triumphant] I’ve got cupcakes!
We’re celebrating!
I just did my hours at the community center.
Shelly gave me some amazing news!
[playful, joyful] I also figured some cupcakes might soften you up . . . to see if I might get you to sit down with me . . . and look at a few venues . . . for our big day!
[surprised gasp]
[shocked] What happened here?
[panicking] Sweetheart, where are you?
Are you okay?
Was there a break-in?
Are you –
[sigh of relief]
There you are! Are you all right?
Oh, gosh.
Are you having a flashback?
[forcing herself to get calm] It’s okay.
I’m here. I’m here.
You’re safe.
You’re completely safe.
Okay, remember the technique.
Use your senses.
Sweetheart?
Stay grounded. Use your senses.
Feel my arms around you.
Focus on my voice.
Here – tell me what’s on the dresser.
Make a list. What objects are on the dresser?
Uh-huh.
Right.
Keep going.
You’re doing so well, keep going.
Hmm?
You feeling better?
You sure?
[sudden rush of relief] I’m so glad.
Are you okay?
Do you want to talk, or –
You did?
[tenderly] Is that . . . what triggered the flashback?
Yeah?
Do you want to tell me . . . what the bad news was?
You don’t have to, if you’re not ready.
But . . . if it would help you to talk about it . . .
[devastated] Oh, no!
Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.
Can I hold you again?
Come here.
You’re completely safe in my arms.
You can stay here as long as you want.
You have the all-access pass.
24/7, day and night service.
That’s it.
Just feel me . . . loving you.
Remember, I put my love inside your heart.
It’s always there. Forever.
You’ll have it for the rest of your life.
No matter what.
Feel my love, in the arms around you.
And feel my love, there inside your heart.
Losing a parent . . . it’s hard.
We all have to go through it at some point . . . but that doesn’t make it less painful.
I mean, obviously . . . you weren’t in contact with . . . your father of origin.
I know . . . what he did to to you.
But his death is still going to hurt.
We’ll get through it together.
Sweetheart, I’m going to call Joyce and Michael, okay?
Just to get them here, to be with us.
Okay?
Okay. Don’t worry about anything.
Joyce?
Yes, I know . . . I’m here with him now.
At his place.
He’s okay.
I mean . . . he’s safe. He’s physically okay. But . . .
[relieved] That’s exactly what I was going to ask.
Thank you so much, Joyce.
The two of you are . . . just . . . thank you.
Okay, bye.
They’re on their way. They’ll be here soon.
Say, when is your next appointment with David?
Hmm. Well, maybe we can text him . . . later, not now . . . and see if he can get you in sooner.
Is that okay?
Yeah.
Don’t worry, I’ll remember.
Sweetheart, I want you to think about something for me, okay?
Joyce didn’t even ask me what was going on.
As soon as she knew you needed help, she just . . . asked if they could come over.
And she didn’t stop to ask Michael . . . whether he could come.
She already knew that Michael would drop whatever he was doing . . . and come to help you.
Without even knowing what’s happening.
The only thing they needed to know was . . . that you needed them.
Sweetheart, you have an amazing set of parents in your life.
Not your parents of origin.
Your real parents.
A real mom.
And a real dad.
They love you so, so much.
Just like I do.
[kiss]
You are so, so, so very loved.
Just think about that for a while, okay?
Just stay here in my arms . . . and think about how loved you are.
You’re grieving, I know.
The sadness is natural.
It’s right to feel it.
If you try to run away from the pain, it will only be worse later.
[comforting] Oh, I know, I know.
It hurts.
But while you’re grieving, think about how loved you are.
What’s that, sweetheart?
[sympathetic, comforting] Ohhhhhhhh, my love, my love.
[long breath in and out]
I understand why you would feel that way.
He gave up the right to even be called your father.
A long time ago.
After the way he hurt you . . . I can understand . . . why you would feel like it was somehow wrong . . . to feel sad that he’s gone.
Oh, my beautiful, beautiful man!
Please, remember . . . he was the one who taught you to be ashamed of your feelings.
They both did.
They taught you to feel guilty . . . any time you felt sad . . .or angry . . . or afraid.
These perfectly normal and natural feelings . . . that everyone has!
Of course, what we do with our feelings can be wrong.
Like, what he did with all his feelings of anger and shame.
He got rid of that pain . . . by hurting you.
And other people, too.
But it’s what we do with our feelings that can be wrong.
Just the fact that you feel something isn’t right or wrong in itself.
It’s just a natural fact about you.
Like . . . the length of your arms.
You can’t help that. You didn’t choose it.
It’s just . . . you.
Who you are.
Like the color of your hair.
Or the color of those gorgeous, gorgeous eyes.
Okay, actually, that last one is an exception!
The color of your eyes is definitely something that’s right!
[small, lighthearted laugh to make him feel better]
To have feelings . . . that’s just our nature.
That’s just being human.
That’s just . . . life.
Hmmm?
Okay, go ahead.
Right.
Uh-huh.
I get that.
Right, yeah.
I get it.
And it’s only natural you would feel that way.
And that’s okay!
You never have to be ashamed of your feelings again.
But sweetheart, it’s also natural . . . to grieve.
And those feelings . . . are okay, too.
[gently, tenderly] My love . . . you’re so overwhelmed right now.
There are some things I see going on . . . that you may not be seeing.
[long breath in and out]
Oh, my beautiful man.
Your heart . . . is my favorite thing in the whole world.
And I’ve gotten to know it really well.
By now, I know a lot about how it works.
So . . . take a little advice from an expert on the subject, okay?
I see two parts of you.
And both of them are incredibly strong.
You endured . . . everything he put you through . . . everything they both put you through.
And you didn’t break.
You went to hell and back . . . and you didn’t return empty-handed.
You came back . . . with a strength in you.
The strength in your heart . . . is unlike anything I’ve ever known.
But you have two ways of showing that strength.
There’s the part of you the world sees.
You’ve accomplished so much.
You care so intensely about the things you believe in.
And you work your butt off for those things.
That’s why you’ve come so far in your job.
And you created this amazing project at the community center . . . to help people who have been abused.
Helping them find safe places, and the assistance they need.
Educating the community.
You’ve changed so many lives.
That’s one way you use the strength you built up.
And then . . . there’s the private side of you.
The part that only a few of us get to see.
[hesitantly, gently] Please . . . don’t take this the wrong way, okay?
Understand . . . this is high praise.
This is about how amazing you are.
I think the private side of you . . . in some ways . . . is still that little boy.
That boy . . . who had to endure all that suffering.
And all he ever wanted . . . was for his mom and dad to love him.
That’s what we all want!
That’s the very first thing everyone wants in life.
And you . . . you’re still waiting.
You never gave up hope.
And now . . . your father of origin . . . has lost his last chance to love you.
For all his . . . fame and fortune . . . for all the people who thought he was some kind of genius . . .
He was a fraud.
In the single most important part of his life . . . he chose to be a monster.
He chose to hurt my beautiful man.
And all these years . . . every day that went by . . . was an opportunity.
A chance . . . for him to make a different choice.
To turn himself in to the police, and confess what he did.
Or even just to apologize to you.
When you went to no contact with him . . . you told him that he could reach out when he was ready to take responsibility.
That was such an amazingly brave thing to do!
You did not owe that to him.
The only thing you ever owed that man was a police report.
That was your amazing strength, to offer him that opening.
To offer . . . even him . . . a doorway out of the darkness.
He didn’t deserve it.
But you still offered him that door.
And every day of his life, he had the chance to open it.
And every day of his life, he chose not to.
And now . . . he’s run out of chances.
Now . . . you really know . . . he’s never coming through that door.
Sweetheart . . . sweetheart . . . of course you’re grieving!
Of course this is devastating!
Oh, sweetheart . . .
[sound of her rubbing his back]
It’s okay. It’s so, so okay.
I’m here.
You’re safe.
And you’re so loved.
We’re going to get through this.
[sound of her rubbing his back]
It’s okay.
You take as long as you need to, you hear me?
I’ve got all night.
I’ve got my whole life, if you need it.
Feel the love that’s coming to you.
Feel the sadness . . . but feel the love, too.
I love you.
Joyce loves you.
Michael loves you.
[growing intensity] You have a real family now.
A real family.
[holding back tears] And you see this beautiful ring, right here?
The one you put on my finger?
[not successful in holding back tears] You beautiful, beautiful man?
[stops, sniffles a few times, composes herself]
Next May . . . we’re going to make a family of our own.
And you . . . are going to be an amazing dad.
No, you so are.
Hey, trust the expert, here.
This is settled science!
You’re going to be a dad . . . of world-historical awesomeness.
A thousand years from now, they’re still going to sing epic poems about what a dad you were.
I can’t wait to see it.
In fact . . .
Wait, just hold on a sec, let me get something . . .
Here you go.
Have a cupcake for being the greatest dad in history.
And . . . I get one for finding you.
[soft laughter]
Hmm?
Oh, right! The good news!
I mean, it’s kind of awkward now, but . . .
No, you’re right. This is a good time for some good news.
When I was at the community center, Shelly told me . . . the IRS approval letter came in.
[excited] That’s right!
The community center is all set to turn over the funds they got from the grant.
Shelly’s going to write the check tomorrow.
Congratulations!
Your project is now an independent, officially recognized nonprofit organization.
Soon you’ll be applying for grants of your own.
You are going to help so many people.
You’re my hero.
No, don’t deflect this.
This was all you, and you know it.
You. Are. My. HERO.
And what makes you my hero is not all the people you’re going to help.
It’s the strength in your heart.
The strength that makes it possible for you to help so many people.
[softly] That’s why I chose you.
That’s why I put my love in your heart.
I saved it . . . for you.
I saved my love . . . until I found a man I knew I could trust with it.
And I never in my whole life met any other man I felt that way about.
You know . . . I felt that strength in your heart the very first day I met you.
I didn’t know yet whether you would be the one I would give my love to.
I think that must have taken all the way until . . . like . . . day three.
[hearty, joyful laugh]
But on that very first day, I already felt your strength.
I already knew that . . . if I ever did decide to give you my love . . . it would be safe.
Your heart is a safe place for my love.
Because it’s so, so strong.
Strong enough to endure all that you’ve been through.
Strong enough to accomplish all that you’ve done.
And strong enough to go on hoping, all these years.
Even though he didn’t deserve it.
You didn’t give in to the darkness they tried to put into you.
You didn’t give in to the hate they taught you.
You wanted love, not hate.
Even when you couldn’t get love . . . you chose to want love and not get it . . . instead of choosing hate.
That’s why I love you.
Because the love in your heart is so strong.
[softly] Nothing can break it.
[whispering] Nothing can break it.
I’m so proud of you.
I can’t wait to be your wife.