This is a standalone script.
If you perform one of my scripts, please let me know so I can add the video to my channel!
[Nervous, talking to herself] Okay, girl . . . here we go.
Remember, stick to the plan.
You’re here to take care of him.
He’s hurting. He’s just been dumped.
He needs support . . . but he also needs boundaries.
Don’t rush it.
[deep breath in and out]
Help him feel safe.
Take good care of him.
And whatever you do, don’t stare.
[pause]
Don’t stare at his arms.
Don’t stare at his shoulders.
Don’t stare at his beautiful eyes.
[pause]
[more nervous] Okay, okay . . . Litany against Fear time.
[deep breath in]
[pause]
“I must not fear.”
“Fear is the boy-killer.”
“Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration of your social life.”
[pause]
[knocking]
[door opens]
[totally calm, bright, cheerful] Hi, there!
Listen, you won’t believe this.
I found this plate of brownies in my kitchen.
It was just sitting there!
Weird, right?
Well, I asked around.
Everyone told me . . . they belong to the most beautiful man in town.
So I came straight over.
[sparkling] Here are your brownies!
[pause]
Of course I did!
It’s in the terms of service.
I did consent to the terms and conditions, when you and I became besties.
It’s not optional.
You get dumped . . . I bring brownies.
[pause]
[gently] Can the brownies and I come in and take care of you?
[more gently] Please?
[pause]
You agreed to the terms and conditions, too, you know.
Everyone needs a little TLC some time.
[pause]
Would a day of brownies and TLC be so bad?
[pause]
Yeah?
Okay.
[door closes]
[pause]
You’re welcome.
[pause]
[gently] Really, it’s no big deal.
Now, come here.
Let’s sit on the couch and eat brownies . . . and talk about how amazing you are.
[pause]
[coaxing] Come on!
The couch is right over here.
[pause]
It’s the big brown thing that keeps your butt from hitting the floor when you sit down.
[pause]
Right, just like that!
See? You’re a natural.
Now, we have a big job to do here.
Let’s divide it up.
You work on eating the brownies.
And I’ll work on talking about how awesome you are.
[pause]
Oh, don’t worry.
[referring to the brownies] I’ll have my share!
But you go first.
[pause]
[delighted] Really?
I’m so glad you like them.
I have my own special recipe, you know.
The secret ingredient . . . is how much I admire you for your courage and integrity.
[pause]
And peanut butter!
[laughter]
Nothing beats chocolate and peanut butter.
[playful] Victorious over evil!
[short laugh]
[deciding to go big with the joke] Conqueror of human misery!
[rolling with it] Vanquisher of heartless ex-girlfriends!
Away with them all . . . forever!
[big, beautiful laughter]
[pause]
[calm] Okay, now I do actually have to have one.
Here, gimme some of that action.
[pause]
[eating] Mmmmmmmmmmm.
[pause]
Wow . . . that smile.
You have the most amazing smile.
[pause]
You do!
[pause]
It’s so good to finally see it again.
I don’t think I’ve seen you smile . . .
Like, really smile . . .
In a long time.
[pause]
The way you handled all this . . .
After what she did . . .
I just can’t admire you enough.
[long pause]
[gently] Hush, don’t talk about yourself that way.
[pause]
That’s her talking.
She was always saying hurtful things.
[pause]
Please . . . don’t see yourself through her eyes.
[pause]
See yourself through my eyes.
[pause]
[forgetting herself] See the beautiful man you are.
[pause]
[coming to herself] And . . . um . . .
[awkward] Have another brownie.
[pause]
Look! I’ll have one too.
[pause]
Listen, this is important.
We cannot leave a single brownie on this plate today.
They all have to go.
[pause]
That’s right.
By midnight.
[pause]
For every brownie we fail to eat . . . a puppy will be hit with a stick.
[pause]
It’s true!
And they’re adorable.
They’re the cutest puppies you ever saw.
We have to save them!
We have to keep them all safe!
[pause]
[eating] Mmmmm, this is so good.
[pause]
[eating] Oh, yes, they will.
[pause]
[eating] They’ll hit them.
[no longer eating] They absolutely will.
[pause]
C’mon, eat up.
We have to save the adorable puppies.
[long pause]
[serious] You know that’s not true.
[gently] After what she did to you?
After everything she put you through?
There are people in the world . . . who would hit puppies.
You just dated one.
For six whole months.
Six and a half.
[awkward] But . . . I mean . . . who’s counting?
[pause]
Look, I know you’re hurting right now.
So I’ll let you choose, okay?
[pause]
Option one, we sit here eating brownies . . . and we talk about how you’re feeling.
So you can process what you’re going through.
So you can let yourself realize just how terribly she treated you.
And how amazing you are.
[pause]
Option two, we put on a movie.
Your choice. Whatever you want to watch.
Whatever will make you feel good.
We’ll just sit here and eat brownies and watch it.
[pause]
And I’ll keep prodding you until you’re ready to talk about how you’re feeling.
[pause]
[gentle laugh]
Well . . . you do know me.
I always have a plan.
Like I always say: Why waste a single minute?
[pause]
Movie it is, then.
[pause]
Okay, so . . . I also have a plan about that.
[pause]
Yes, of course I do.
[pause]
We can’t let those adorable puppies suffer.
But we can use the movie to save them.
[pause]
Here’s the deal.
Every time there’s a guy on screen who’s not nearly as much of a catch as you are . . .
I have to eat.
And every time there’s a girl on screen that you’d totally deserve to be with . . .
. . . if the two of you liked each other . . .
You have to eat.
[pause]
Yes, you do.
Don’t worry, I’ll just give you a little nudge if you need it.
[pause]
Oh, that’s a beautiful movie!
What a classic!
I love the ending.
[pause]
Well, you know what they say.
It’s better to have loved and lost . . . than never to have loved at all.
[pause]
Plus, this movie is full of guys who can’t hold a candle to you.
So that’s more brownies for me!
[pause]
See? Right there.
I get to eat already.
[pause]
[eating] Opening scene. First shot.
[pause]
[eating] No way.
[no longer eating] You are way cuter than he is.
[pause]
Look, I am a professional photographer.
I do this all day, okay?
I know what looks good.
I know what’s cute.
And he . . . just doesn’t have it like you do.
[pause]
[eating] You know what?
[eating] You are just like Julie’s husband.
[pause]
[eating] You’ve seen the two of them.
[no longer eating] That woman adores him.
And rightly so.
He’s hot stuff!
Like you!
But he thinks he’s nothing.
[pause]
Because . . . the girl he was with before Julie . . . cheated on him.
Because . . . there are bad people in the world.
[pause]
And he keeps seeing himself . . . through their eyes.
Instead of Julie’s.
So . . . he doesn’t see how beautiful he is.
[pause]
You know what it is?
That makes him so attractive?
[pause]
He’s a good man.
[pause]
That’s not what I mean.
I just mean . . . good.
Like, as in . . . a good person.
[pause]
Well, that and the arms.
You should hear how Julie talks about his arms!
Next time you see them together . . . watch how often she touches them.
[pause]
But what really makes him beautiful is . . . he’s a good person.
He’s a good man.
Like you.
[pause]
I’ve told you . . . about the creeps I’ve gone on dates with.
And there’s also plenty that I haven’t told you!
[shuddering] Yeesh.
[pause]
There’s no pair of shoulders in the world . . . that would make me go for a guy like them.
That’s why I’ve never had a boyfriend.
[pause]
Nope.
And I’ve never been in love.
[pause]
[vulnerable] I . . . envy you, actually.
You’ve loved and lost.
I’ve never loved at all.
[pause]
I’ve seen the way you love.
You don’t hold anything back.
You love with your whole heart.
Because you’re such a good man.
[pause]
[super vulnerable] I would give anything . . .
. . . to love someone that way.
[pause]
[gently] Sure. What?
[pause]
[flustered] Um . . . yes!
[excited] Yes, definitely.
[struggling to control her excitement] Yes, I’ll hold you!
[pause]
[getting control now] Terms and conditions.
[awkward] Like I said!
[cool, totally under control] Bring it in, big guy. Come here.
[whispering, so he doesn’t hear this] Bring those big shoulders to momma.
[pause]
[gently] There we go.
[pause]
Don’t you worry.
You’ll find a good woman.
One who will love you the way you love her.
[pause]
Maybe sooner than you think.
[pause]
In the meantime . . .
. . . I think it really is better to have loved and lost.
[pause]
[gently] Hey, at least you know what loving somebody is like.
[pause]
Well, okay, yes, my parents.
You’ve seen that.
You were always coming over to our place.
Back when we were younger.
[pause]
But . . . that isn’t the same thing!
I mean . . . it just obviously isn’t the same.
[pause]
Oh?
What do you mean?
[long pause]
Your . . . parents?
[long pause]
That’s . . .
[awkward] I didn’t realize.
I’m . . . I’m so sorry to hear that.
[pause]
Is that . . .
[gently] Is that why you were always over at our place?
[long pause]
Yeah, I guess they did kind of become a second mom and dad, huh?
[pause]
I never thought about it that way.
[long pause]
[flustered] Well, I don’t know.
That’s kind of an awkward question.
I mean, they’re my parents.
I don’t usually think of them that way.
[pause]
Well . . . I guess so.
I mean, they obviously love each other.
I’ve seen how much they give to each other.
And they love me too.
And I love them.
[pause]
Yeah, I guess that’s what I want, too.
[pause]
If only I could find a good man.
[pause]
One I could give to . . . and take care of . . . and love.
One I could . . . watch movies with.
And tell him how amazing he is.
[pause]
One I could . . .
[quietly] . . . make brownies for.
And hold him when he’s sad.
[pause]
And who wanted the same things I did.
One who would love me the way I love him.
[pause]
One who would . . .
[cut off by a sudden kiss] Mmph!
[passionate kissing]
[pause]
[whispered] No, no, it’s okay.
[whispered] I want this.
[whispered] I mean . . .
I want it . . . if you want it.
I don’t mean to take advantage . . .
[cut off again by a sudden kiss] Mmph!
[a few more big kisses]
[soft, playful] And hey, while I’m making wishes . . .
[a quick kiss]
Can I wish that the man I find would have big shoulders?
Just like these?
[giggling]
And strong arms to hold me?
[a few quick kisses]
[giggling]
[passionate kissing]
[pause]
[whispered] Wait . . . wait.
[pause]
[gently] No, no, it’s okay.
[pause]
No, you didn’t do anything wrong.
Actually . . . I did.
[pause]
I have a confession to make.
I lied to you before.
When I said I’d never been in love.
[pause]
I’ve been in love with you forever.
I’ve been in love with you for thousands and thousands of years.
I’ve been dreaming about this for so long . . .
[pause]
Dreaming about being in your arms.
And looking in your eyes.
Seeing a future in them.
[pause]
And now that I’m here . . .
[ashamed] I feel like I took advantage of you.
[bitter] You know how I am.
[long pause]
[not daring to believe] Are you sure?
[long pause]
[daring to believe] Really?
[pause]
[intense, joyful whisper] I’m so glad!
[kissing]
[pause]
Shhhhhhhhhh.
[whispered] Don’t worry about the puppies.
[giggling]
[whispered] They’re all completely safe.
[kissing]
[pause]
[happy] No, no, I got it totally wrong before.
Nobody will hurt them.
They’ll actually get a delicious steak dinner.
[pause]
Well, it’ll be cut it up into little tiny bites for them.
[pause]
Hush!
[kissing]
[romantic] We can eat the brownies tomorrow.
Why waste another single minute?